the things I have learned about men from OkCupid

THE FOLLOWING IS SATIRE AND SNARKY

1. Men clearly are more interested in finding “that special lady” than women are in finding “that special man” In fact usually women are trying to find “new friends”
2. Saying “just looking for new friends” translates into “SKEEVY MEN PLEASE MESSAGE ME”
3. Many women are actually a couple
4. Signing up for OkCupid is enough; there’s no real need to waste anyone’s time telling them about yourself
5. Further: don’t even bother filling out basic personal information. Just post a blurry photo and mention how you’re a laid-back uncomplicated man
6. Exchanging one or two messages is plenty. Move on before you get attached to them
7. There is no need to actually read an entire profile before messaging someone
8. Further: there is no need to actually write a personal message – make up a form introduction and send it out as soon as you see a new profile go up. Form letters are proper corporate etiquette so it will be super-impressive to make one for a dating site
9. Photos are for wusses. If you must put one up, either get your work pic or take a selfie right now. Don’t worry about the lighting or your expression. Sitting around scowling in the dark is what you do normally anyway
10. If someone seems interested in you, answering with any enthusiasm is foolish. Appear aloof and cool

(note: I am bisexual and so far have managed to make contact with exactly three women in the two years I’ve been on OkC. All I’ve learned so far is that women are really unlikely to actually use OkC for its intended purpose)

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