Me: yeah I stopped taking you to the grocery store for a while because you would just scream every time we went there and just act up something awful
Lil Miss: I screamed?
Lil Miss: and I tried to hit you?
Lil Miss: was I an octopus?
Lil Miss *laughs like a loon*
“Poly-rockin in the HALLS tonight! Everybody just havin a time! And wigging make a loser night! Everybody just havin a time!”
Me:[reading Harriet the Spy] “Harriet felt her mom-”
Lil Miss: Wait a minute, Mrs Welsch is Harriet’s mom?
Me: … yes. Her name IS Harriet Welsch, right?
Lil Miss: I thought her name was Harriet Despize
Dear gawd I laughed so hard I fell over.
I remember after we started using her crib. We bought a soother for it. It was in the Playskool aquatic theme and it had some kind of weird liquid with fish in it and when you punched the main button the music or atmosphere sounds would play and teh motor would gently whir and the fish would bob around in it and soft lights would blink back and forth.
I learned quickly that the soother actually worked for her sometimes. She’d wake up crying and I’d rub her tummy then put the soother on. She calm down and watch it and drift back to sleep. It didn’t take long before she learned to punch the big button herself.
One night I remember I woke up, hearing her making wimpering noises. I was so dog-tired I lay for a moment thinking about how I needed to get up and soothe her… maybe nurse her too. Then I heard her punch the button and the soother came on. She quieted down right away. I rolled over and looked at her. She was lying there, motionless, watching her soother. So I didn’t get up. When the soother was done, she punched it again. Then again. Then again. She punched her soother each time it finished at least six times. I was so blown away with how determined she was to stay soothed and quiet. I felt like she was challenging herself to remain calm. Eventually, I got up and fetched her. I wanted her to know that the staying calm was worth it, that mommy comes eventually if you are still needing her. I felt like it was her reward. SHe was happy to see me but she was still calm and serene. It was almost eerie how that night happened. But it was one of the sweetest nights we ever spent together. Its the night I want to remember forever.
I put my hands on my daughter’s face, brushed hair out of her eyes and asked her to look at me. I said “you will not know, for a long time, how much I really love you. One day, when you are grown up, maybe you’ll have a daughter and you’ll look at her and you’ll wonder ‘is this how my mother felt about me?’ and the answer to that question is ‘yes. that is exactly how I felt about you.’
Right now you know that I love you but you won’t really know how much I do until you’re older. So never forget that”
She looked at me the whole time I was speaking, letting my words sink into her skin, her eyes, her mouth, and she said “but will my daughter know?” and her face crumbled with fear and sadness and I knew what she was thinking. She leaned forward into my smile and I pulled her close and stroked her hair as I said quietly into her ear “maybe I won’t meet your daughter, I hope I do someday, I know I really want to, but if I don’t, you can tell her the same thing and *you’ll* know that I would have loved her as much as you do”