I remember after we started using her crib. We bought a soother for it. It was in the Playskool aquatic theme and it had some kind of weird liquid with fish in it and when you punched the main button the music or atmosphere sounds would play and teh motor would gently whir and the fish would bob around in it and soft lights would blink back and forth.

I learned quickly that the soother actually worked for her sometimes. She’d wake up crying and I’d rub her tummy then put the soother on. She calm down and watch it and drift back to sleep. It didn’t take long before she learned to punch the big button herself.

One night I remember I woke up, hearing her making wimpering noises. I was so dog-tired I lay for a moment thinking about how I needed to get up and soothe her… maybe nurse her too. Then I heard her punch the button and the soother came on. She quieted down right away. I rolled over and looked at her. She was lying there, motionless, watching her soother. So I didn’t get up. When the soother was done, she punched it again. Then again. Then again. She punched her soother each time it finished at least six times. I was so blown away with how determined she was to stay soothed and quiet. I felt like she was challenging herself to remain calm. Eventually, I got up and fetched her. I wanted her to know that the staying calm was worth it, that mommy comes eventually if you are still needing her. I felt like it was her reward. SHe was happy to see me but she was still calm and serene. It was almost eerie how that night happened. But it was one of the sweetest nights we ever spent together. Its the night I want to remember forever.