back from a trip

early rise…. drive home…. wishing I didn’t have to… wishing I had stayed home last night…. feeling just as grouchy as when I left last night… realizing I forgot the book but that’s okay cuz now I want my own copy…. thinking on what this day will be… wondering what I will do tonight…. thinking about next week’s trip…. seeing my friend will be fun… he promised we would walk around the city…. no one takes walks in this town… we’ll watch movies… ooo! look! I wonder how much it costs to rent a car for the weekend… wondering what today will be like… can I take the kids to the playground today? … I have an interview at five o’clock…. I want the job because it will make life easier and perhaps I will make new friends and cement other friendships… I need to finish my notes for the presentation… why the hell is everyone driving so politely? …I should go ahead and get some time put on my phone…. I should call some people…. I hate calling people and asking them to hang out with me…. no one calls me much so I’d better grit my teeth and start calling…. I don’t miss the drugs, isn’t that a surprise? …I’m still not bored yet… I have some “mommy guilt”… better pick up some doughnuts on the way…. going into the store… who’s that new guy? He’s kinda cute… oh, you think every nerdy-looking guy is cute… yeah, and he’s a blond besides… I have money… soon I’ll have more… I hope I get this job… who should I call that won’t already have plans? …go away guilt, you serve no purpose… well I did get donuts so maybe you serve some purpose… I hate driving…. my best friend died in a car wreck …I used to like driving before that…. I hardly remember that feeling ….I hate that she’s gone…. I talk to her all the time ….she laughs at my dramatics a lot ….I’m glad I can entertain her ….Home again hame again, jiggity-jog, they’d better like these donuts damn it! …I’d better make some coffee to perk up …why did I go over there last night? …cuz I thought it would make me distracted …need to quit expecting other people to do my emotional work …still feel dead inside, is that because it’s Jill’s anniversary? …it fucking sucks when people die! …I wrote a poem about that, maybe I should post it ….put in an LJ-cut so it doesn’t clog up people’s screens … it’s almost time to stop thinking so much…

children running, screaming laughing
sugar falling on the floor,
blankets become tents, capes, blob-monsters
someone is going to wipe sticky prints on my new skirt
I don’t care
now I’m running, screaming, laughing
looking at the mess they made
laying down a box of donuts
watching the naming, the pointing, the testing
glittering eyes
musical giggles
shouting their devotion
Why did I not want to come home?

The universe is a pretty fucking cool place.

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