Disclosure
I think the first time I saw a genderqueer person, technically, I was 6 years old and it was Flip Wilson. His character was “Geraldine” and I thought it was hilarious. That was after my mom told me the character was Wilson in a costume. It’s interesting because by that time I saw that, behaving against gender-stereotype was normal to me. I was called “tomboy” and I had friends who also went against gender expectations. But seeing a grown man flagrantly imitating a woman was funny to me because it was an adult doing it. Like most grade-school children, my conceptions of gender were somewhat rigid, especially for males, even as I unquestioningly accepted my own male friends flouting gender stereotypes. After all, they were my friends, and we were children. We were encouraged to explore our identities. If my male friends said it was perfectly reasonable to wear pink, put on a tutu and play with makeup, who was I to argue? But a grown-up acting in opposition to their assigned gender, well, that was bizarre. I had no real-world reference for it, so I accepted it as silly play-acting and believed it to be quite funny.
At some point, just before puberty hit me fully, I stopped thinking it was funny. By that time, I had personally met drag queens, open homosexuals, and butch dykes. They were inspiring to me. They weren’t silly grown-ups on TV, they were real people, doing daring things.
So, to me, my first time seeing a gender-queer person of any type, was not on TV. It was my first crush, and she was my little brother’s teacher’s partner. They lived next door to us and invited us to dinner one night. The teacher was a lovely femme who made dinner, set the table and had a sweet, high laugh. Her partner, who sat chatting over beer with my father, was clearly a butch lesbian. She wore men’s pants (not a woman’s pantsuit), a flannel shirt, had slicked-back hair, and she smoked a pipe. … she smoked a PIPE! Like a MAN! I was entranced by her.
I thought she was the coolest person I’d ever seen, and I wanted to be just like her. So even though you could technically say I’d seen genderqueer people on TV before then, I don’t count them. When comedians did it, it wasn’t genderqueer to me, it was just a grown-up acting silly. Naturally, immature people (like children) are going to find that amusing.
Watching Disclosure, I whole-heartedly identified with the older speakers; I remember nearly all of the movies and shows they mentioned. because they meant something more than comedy to me as a child. I remember feeling uncomfortable with some of the depictions, happy and excited by some of the others. Though it was fascinating and uplifting to see transwomen in the media, they never spoke to me personally. Because showing transmen, or Butch-women, was just not done when I was growing up.
What bothered me in the movie was that they came close to admitting the imbalance but didn’t really touch the base of it: transwomen will always be more popular than transmen because, the media loves to fawn over beautiful women. And with a few notable exceptions, the transwomen who have broken barriers were all clearly gorgeous (as well as talented).
What made me happy was seeing some of the transwomen being revealed. I did not know Alexandra Billings is a transwoman. There were a few others I didn’t know (or forgot) and it was so lovely to see them talk openly about their experience.
But it bothers me that there still isn’t much support for transmen, non-binary people and especially masculine presenting. Because the media is obsessed with “feminine” beauty and while it’s wonderful to see the barriers against transwomen being torn down. I want to see the barriers against non-feminine beauties torn down too. At least things are getting calmer; as they mentioned in the movie, there’s less pressure now on women to be so exceedingly femme and sexualized. One of my favorite actors is Jamie Clayton. While I think Clayton is absolutely beautiful, she has never (to my knowledge) been presented as ultra-femme. She’s talented and pretty, but she doesn’t have to be shown to the world as a hyper-sexualized Femme. As a non-binary person, that gives me more hope than seeing Laverne Cox ever did. No offense to Ms Cox, she’s a wonderful actress but is it any mystery why she was accepted and given such accolades? She’s talented, yes, but more importantly, she’s beautiful.
I want to see more talented, non-feminine-presenting people. That’s *my* representation. Who knows? Now that Elliot Page is all the rage, maybe the barriers against masculine presenting people will start to come down. Well, at least the ones who are pretty will make it through. But we all have to start somewhere.